graduate school: why am i still a grad student? why am i applying for another degree? academics! ohhhhhhh.
music: one band on hiatus. one new idea for a band on deck. lots of songwriting. then finding a new scene.
cities: pick one.
the gym: the most elusive horse? mostly it’s just about schedules. and my gumption. let’s not put more than 5 pounds on, if we can help it. let’s take even more off, if we can help that too.
yoga: twice a week. or more. no exceptions.
writing: thesis, other things.
saving: be cheap. spend little.
cooking/eating: see above. be creative.

i think everyone wants to do these things every year, but i’ve got a head start. i’ve got some zest. i’ve tasted a piece of what i can do and i’m ready to keep it up. holiday derailment is over. let’s do this.

I make these lists every year and I like sharing them. Mostly, I like the idea of seeing what everyone else likes too. I’m encouraging folks to share as I post on both Facebook and my personal blog, which people don’t read anyway. As usual, I’ll throw in some write-ups, a bonus, and maybe even the tracks themselves? On maybe only on Facebook. Wellllllll…

1. Bar’s Open – Shotgun Jimmie (Transistor Sister)

Let’s just warm things up? Yes?

2. Black Night – The Dodos (No Color)

This whole album is amazing. Since I primarily listened to it at the gym, I can’t really hear it without imagining myself on an exercise bike. But that’s awesome anyway? Also, this album was my first Dodos experience. Now I’m a huge fan. I have no idea how 2/3 guys can sound so huge. It’s so good.

3. Rope – Foo Fighters (Wasting Light)

Uhh… this track is, like, better than anything this band has done since The Colour and The Shape. It’s really quite something. I don’t feel too strongly about the rest of the album? But man. Also, Pat Smear!

4. Erase Dwarf – Force Fields (Live at The Capital, June 25, 2010)

An easy highlight for the Show Of The Year would be seeing Force Fields at The Capital during Harvest where they set up on the floor and faced the middle of the room while a bunch of us got crushed by huge tones. I insist that Force Fields are the best band in Atlantic Canada and it’s ridiculous to me that they are not know internationally for being fucking incredible. Tour up, boys!

5. Midnight City – M83 (Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming)

At first it’s like, “oh, this is pretty poppy”, but then later it’s like “fuck, listen to these hooks!”, and then you’re all “where the fuck did that saxophone come from?! What’s even happening! This is the best!”. That’s what it’s like.

6. Glass Deers -Braids (Native Speaker)

After seeing them live at Pre-Pop I sort of fell in love with Braids all over again. I can’t really understand how four people manage to make all these sounds live and sound better than the album. Easily one of the best things I saw live this year. And they’re how old? Jesus.

7. Grey Ship – EMA (Past Life Martyred Saints)

I’m not too huge on the rest of this album, really. I tried. But this song is incredible. I think this lady is one of the coolest ladies in indie rock. She reminds me of Courtney Love if you took out the crazy and were just left with aesthetic and talent.

8. Kings of the Animal Kingdom – The Burning Hell (Flux Capacitor)

This is easily the saddest song humanity has ever written. It’s devastating. I told Mathias Kom (The Burning Hell‘s wonderful frontman) this and he said, “yessss, excellent!”

9. This Is Why We Fight – The Decemberists (The King is Dead)

This album was definitely a grower. I felt like it was a return to simpler Decemberists fare but then realized that none of the songs were specifically about murders or being out to sea. It’s Americana. It wasn’t until mid-summer that I finally came to the conclusion that I like the album. I maybe don’t love it. Either way, “This is Why We Fight” is the standout. I love the bass-line.

10. Everything I Saw – The Weather Station (All of it Was Mine)

I saw The Weather Station twice this year. Once at Sappyfest in the Vogue Theatre (where I was sort of underwhelmed) and once in Fredericton at Gallery Connexion (where I was totally floored). The lady crafts a fine song, let me tell you. I picked the album up after I saw her in town and it’s been on pretty steady rotation since. I love it when a live show really turns me around on an artist.

11. Tennessee – Gillian Welch (The Harrow & The Harvest)

This lady is a legend, and I’m sort of disappointed that I didn’t understand it until this year. This track is basically perfect? Her voice is unstoppable.

12. True Love – Catherine MacLellan (Silhouette)

I once said “I’m going to crawl into Catherine MacLellan’s mouth and live in her voice.” This would be terrifying. I’d still like to, though. She doesn’t play Fredericton enough at all.

13. Asa – Bry Webb (Provider)

Late entry! But man, Provider is so good! Who knew that I’d like Bry Webb’s songwriting even more when I could understand what the fuck he’s saying?

14. Michicant – Bon Iver (Bon Iver)

Well, I mean, obviously?

15. Leaves, Trees, Forest – Dan Mangan (Oh Fortune)

Thanks Dan. You don’t even know.  :)

16. Bandages – Hey Rosetta! (Seeds)

It’s pretty stupid to me that I haven’t seen Hey Rosetta! live. They played the Market in town just before this album fell into my hands and I pretty much super regretted not going. I think I get the appeal. And this album is front-to-back excellent. I had a long conversation with my friend Andrew Lockhart about how Hey Rosetta! always write songs the same way… soft, build, break, soft, build, huge… and it’s more or less true? But I don’t like the album any less for it.

17. Black Water – Timber Timbre (Creep On Creepin’ On)

My mid-summer rainy-day jam. Every time.

18. Say Yeah – Bruce Peninsula (Open Flames)

I liked their first album a whole lot but I had no idea they even had this in them. They were unbelievable the day they played at Gallery Connexion. 2012 will be the year Bruce Peninsula conquer Canadian hearts.

19. All Year – Jenn Grant (Honeymoon Punch)

Oh, Jenn. You’re so good. Keep it up.

20. Stamp – The Rural Alberta Advantage (Departing)

Though they were quasi disappointing at HPX (a church just can’t contain the energy of this band, I don’t think), Departing was something I listened to a ton in 2011. Also, it always makes me think I’m at The Capital because Ferg played it between sets all the time. Feeling like I’m at The Capital is never a bad thing. Not ever.

21. Final Approach – Buck 65 (20 Odd Years)

Hooks. So many hooks. All over the place.

22. The Undiscovered First – Feist (Metals)

This album is the first time Feist has really grabbed me. I think it’s all super great. This track gets so huge on the album. Definitely watch the video I linked here. It’s a black cab session where they use the cab interior for percussion. It’s amazing? Yes, yes it is.

23. Surgeon – St. Vincent (Strange Mercy)

This album is definitely in the running for my favourite of the year. It’s one of those situations where I listened to it at exactly the right time for the entire thing to seem brilliant. I listen to it a little less now, but I can’t believe Annie Clark even exists. She’s incredible. We should all want to have her babies.

24. Brain Gallop – Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks (Mirror Traffic)

I smile every time I hear this. And the outro guitarmonies! Oh man. Easily one of the best albums of the year.

25. New Decade – Marine Dreams (Marine Dreams)

You’ve Changed are the best label? Is that fair? Can we all just agree on that right now? And all of these people are sweethearts who write awesome songs? Yesss.

26. Swamp Magic – Shotgun Jimmie (Transistor Sister)

The Man of the Goddamn Year. I saw Jim somewhere between 6-10 times this year. At Sappyfest (He was my highlight of the festival, even topping the Arcade Fire surprise [note: this is largely because of a surprise cover of Hanging on the Telephone]), at HPX, in town… (IN MY DREAMS MAYBE WHO KNOWS). Transistor Sister is an excellent album. Perfect, really. It’s filled with pop nuggets. I want to curl up in it.

27. Bar’s Closed – Shotgun Jimmie (Transistor Sister)

Play us out, Jim!

** So that’s that! Here’s one more list!

Top 5 albums of the year:

1. Shotgun Jimmie – Transistor Sister
2. St. Vincent – Strange Mercy
3. Bruce Peninsula – Open Flame
4. M83 – Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming
5. Stephen Malkmus and The Jicks – Mirror Traffic

Top 5 shows of the year:

1. Fucked Up – HPX
2. PIXIES – Moncton Casino
3. Godspeed You! Black Emperor – The Olympia Theatre? I think? (Montreal)
4. The Arcade Fire – Sappyfest
5. Force Fields – The Capital (Harvest)

Braids and Jimmie are honorary mentions!

OMG ALRIGHT ALREADY YOU SHARE YOURS.

i used to just sit at home every night and play xbox. i’d eat a big meal, and i’d play xbox. or watch something.

it’s awkward to make so many changes. i said to my roommate, “what the hell am i doing?”

“reinventing yourself”, he replied.

“is that a good thing?”

“i think so!”

huh.

in september, i plan on switching over to a sort of passive vegetarianism. it’s the kind of vegetarianism where i won’t decline a meat product if offered, but in my day-to-day i will try to consume as little meat as possible. it’s mostly for fiscal reasons, but also for the challenge of trying to learn to cook different things.

i also want to start a 365 day photo project. i hear those are popular. my phone mostly goes everywhere i go, so i suppose that’ll work out. maybe i’ll whip up a tumblr for it.

and finish my thesis.

and continue to yoga, gym, and take care of myself.

and read. sweet jesus, have i missed reading.

it’s awkward to reinvent yourself. but i like to think that i’m just finding out what i’ve been missing.

cut it out, universe.

i spent a lot of time during sappyfest 2011 trying not to think about it. i probably wasn’t all that successful. but i can tell you one thing:

sappyfest is beautiful

we arrived late on friday night, just in time to catch owen pallett covering caribou’s odessa, which i knew was something he’d done before. paired down, with pallett’s sort-of-perfect voice, i knew that sappyfest was letting me know it would be a wonderful weekend. there was a gap in the schedule i didn’t understand. it wasn’t on the website. and the words Shark Attack! were everywhere. everyone was talking about the arcade fire showing up, and i’m pretty sure everyone knew they were showing up, and i’m pretty sure that not many people were super suprised, but i can tell you that the moment they launched into ready to start that it would difficult to top that moment.

i was wrong, though.

so that’s cool.

there were late-night shows happening. a scheduling disparity between the online lineup and the printed let me know that i missed a performance by ghostkeeper, who are great. i was a little bummed about it, but a saturday that started with a craft fair, coffee, a pulled pork sandwich, breakfast at george’s roadhouse, and the promise of greg macpherson, the burning hell, and john k. samson did a great deal to warm me up. there were some unexpected wonders along the way… pat lepoidevin caught my ear (and my heart) when i wasn’t looking. cannon bros surprised me with an excellent set before my friends in the burning hell turned uncle larry’s into an old world dance party. little scream haunted the vogue theatre and told jokes about whales. i had popcorn.

in terms of the plaintive, rainy day (where i had too much time on my hands for introspection and Sad Things), i wasn’t really prepared for the john k. samson set with jim bryson. i’m not sure it’s fair to the arcade fire to suggest that it was my highlight of the festival, but i can tell you that hearing a tent full of people sing left and leaving with mr. samson was something i both didn’t need and also wanted more than anything.

“i try not to wonder where you are…”

we skipped a few things in order to nap and eat. i wish i’d seen fond of tigers. but we came back time to see charles bradley tear downtown sackville to pieces. if you haven’t heard a soul singer cover neil young’s heart of gold then you’re unlucky. you should have been there. oh man.

tired from the torrential rains that lasted all day, we tried to stay up for mantler (how could you not see a band called mantler?). but, falling asleep during a set by hooded fang (not a commentary on hooded fang, by the way, who were actually great but we were too tired), we bailed on the evening.

i sent some emails i regret from a very damp tent.

“…but the lows are so extreme that the good feels fucking cheap…”

darcy whipped up surprisingly delicious camp pancakes on the sweaty sunday morning. a silver lake lapped at us so we could remember to take time for ourselves. and, the weather station (full of bruce peninsulites) wrapped us in a blanket we wished we had the day before. jim bryson told us stories about gardening, bored trees, and made us smile with his crappy drum solo (probably the best drum solo).

the day got hotter, but i just got more excited about seeing shotgun jimmie. it’s not like i never see him, but i’m also certain he’s the best songwriter in canada right now. no offence to ladyhawk, jon langford and his sadies, or chad vangaalen, but a sing-along of “there’s enough people here to stay up all night, there’s enough people here to start a band alright” was my true sappy-finale.

after a cool walk under an open and beautiful sky to georges, to see the sadies blow us all away with their unparalleled showmanship and robotic stamina, we roasted in a crowd that i thought might actually just catch fire. a member of the arcade fire stood a few feet away, smiling like the rest of us.

we walked home, exhausted… a full breakfast, pack-up. farewells.

i spent the day by myself in sackville. five hours of roaming around a quiet town on a holiday, waiting for my four o’clock ride home. i walked the waterfoul park with my thoughts. it’s when i have nothing to do that they’re the worst.

five.

hours.

i watched the swans at the pond chase ducks around like bullies and talked to venart on the phone. he said that we’d maybe be ok if we forgot about each other and let our spirits change. when we stop thinking about one another every day, that’s when we’ll grow. that’s when we’ll find new things and reconfigure where and who we are. that’s when, maybe, someday, we’ll run into one another and it’ll all be different. and, he claimed, either way:

it’ll be for the best

i said i didn’t want to get over her.

he suggested that i didn’t have much of a choice.

i napped in the park for an hour, woke up acutely aware that i’d acquired a sunburn. i figured i’d take the opportunity to listen to julie doiron (ohhh, was that a hard thing to do) while wandering the waterfoul park for a second time. i wasn’t sure when i’d have another chance to sing songs about sackville out-loud with julie, so i let a few people look at me funny on the boardwalks.

i said goodbye to beautiful sackville after my day of solitude. remembering that my phone played music helped me get through the last two hours. “stay busy,” they tell me. “throw yourself into a project”. “this is probably a good time for you try your hand at song-writing.”

i guess so.

thanks sackville.

i mean it.

there are too many things to do… too many networks… too many places and neat tools.

maybe you want to take notes (and then maybe share those notes with others [or collaborate!]):

• github (for sharing work in a repository with version control… made a lot easier [for tools like me, anyway] with the new github for mac software)
• memonic (a collaborative online notebook for collaborating and sharing notes/research/papers/whatever else… spread across whatever operating systems you might fiddle with. sort of fascinating but somewhat limiting without paid service)
• wordpress (our old friend… popular as ever)
• evernote (slow and overly featured, but somehow perfect for just enough things to prevent me from switching to other note-taking software)
• google docs/notes/tasks/calendar (all i really want is tasks organized as it’s own app or service instead of being a branch between gmail and calendar… and i don’t want to use some other tasks option like wunderlist or hit list)
• simplenote (and notational velocity [take those notes])
• dropbox (man… dropbox…)

or maybe you want to share yourself:

• facebook
• twitter
• pinterest
• instagram (and it’s web-based friend webstagram)
• flickr
• google+ (facebook but without being facebook)
• wordpress

and then you have to figure out how you want to do that. and there’s probably a million options for that too.

i think what i’m saying is that i’m a little overwhelmed with all these options.

where’s all our shit going? and why am I signed up for so many things? and also thank fuck for 1password for being able to track all that with giant safe passwords…

i feel like i’m everywhere, but spread so thin that i can’t really express myself generally because each thing is diluted or over-featured or having it’s way with my privacy. ohhhhhh, the frontier of the internet is a strange place.

and write?

i have so much writing to do.

how are you?

tell me all about it…

But mostly I just think I’ll have something to talk about later. Things like being in love while being confused. Things like being alone while being alright. Things like working it out.

Those things.

People don’t really read blogs anymore, though. If the blog is a source for links (like a Buzzfeed or something), then people will come. If the blog is about one specific project or interesting things, people will come, maybe. Largely they go unread.

I could post a link on Facebook to this post. Ten people might click it. Three will probably actually read it. Most will skim it for something they’re interested in and move on.

Blogs might be dead. I know I read precious few. I follow people on twitter and I read a few Tumblrs. Who has time for blogs?

Who has time for blogs?

I’m not tearing it down. I like the blog. I like that I can write things. It’s just that no one wants to read these things unless they know me. And a lot of people I know would be like “whatever, I’m busy”. But maybe blogging is over. It’s obviously not. It’s the mixed tape of the website boom.

Ok, so I’m gonna go update my other blog. The one about games. I created it to talk about games but I just have those conversations with Angus and then I don’t post anything. Let’s turn this ship around. And maybe blog more. Blog about something people might want to read? I’ll find some cute videos of puppies.

People love that stuff.

But I know it’s late. It’s like, almost March. In New Brunswick you can see grass, which is fucked. Spring really seems to want to come. I’m already in love with the new Vampire Weekend album and I sort of owe it to Joanna Newsom to try to not hate whatever she’s doing. I hear her new album is great.

So, the plan here is to post 30 29 songs I think were great last year. There is no order. Maybe even alphabetical order will do. Yes. Let’s do that. Remember, this is about getting things done!

1. Bon Iver – Blood Bank (Blood Bank EP) | Video
Haunting melodies from one of my favorite artists of 2008. Bon Iver is one of those artists equally suitable for grey, rainy days and quiet gorgeous days. The Blood Bank EP was pretty great, and featured some weird auto-tune shenanigans that would return on the Volcano Choir album later in the year.

2. Bruce Peninsula – Shutters (The Mountain is a Mouth) | Video
I had this album before I saw them at the Halifax Pop Explosion but didn’t give it a real listen until after that show. They remind me of Tom Fun Orchestra except less granular. I’m not even sure what I mean by that. But these two tracks are amazing, and I can’t wait to see this band again.
2nd Recommendation: Shanty Song

3. Dan Mangan – Robots (Nice, Nice, Very Nice) | Video
I missed Dan Mangan at the Halifax Pop Explosion and it was probably my biggest show-related regret of last year aside from not being able to go to Sappyfest. I guess the show was amazing. I eventually picked up his album and it became one of my late favorites of the year. The whole thing is pretty great but this touching song (with an amazing video) about Robots with needs is a definite standout.
2nd Recommendation: Sold

4. The Decemberists – The Wanting Comes in Waves/Repaid (The Hazards of Love) | Video
A few years ago The Decemberists released The Tain which was an eighteen-minute opus in 5 parts. It sounded like guitarist Chris Funk had been replaced with Tommy Iommi. When I heard that Hazards of Love would be similar to The Tain I got pretty excited. Though it took a while to grow on me, I think now that it’s probably their best. I’m not sure how much that has to do with Shara Worden’s (of My Brightest Diamond) incredible vocals. I suspect a lot.
2nd Recommendation: On tour they finished the night with a cover of Heart’s Crazy on You. It’s amazing.

5. Department of Eagles – Phantom Other (In Ear Park) | Video
2nd Recommendation: No One Does It Like You

6. The Dirty Projectors – Cannibal Resource (Bitte Orca) | Video
I didn’t understand this band until I saw them doing this song on Letterman and then it finally clicked. I think seeing them live would be pretty much the best.
2nd Recommendation: Stillness is the Move

7. Do Make Say Think – Do (Other Truths) | Video
2nd Recommendation: Say.

8. The Dutchess and the Duke – Scorpio Sunset/Sunrise | Video

9. Grizzly Bear – Two Weeks (Veckatimest) | Video

10. Japandroids – Wet Hair (Post-Nothing) | Video
Probably my biggest disappointment of the year was seeing these guys at the Halifax Pop Explosion for only about 3 songs. Those 3 songs sounded great even though I really didn’t expect a two-piece to sound anywhere near as dense as their album (they did). Unfortunately, they were either late (rumor) or You Say Party! We Say Die! totally bit into their set. From the perspective of someone in the crowd, it definitely looked like the latter.
2nd Recommendation(s): Young Hearts Spark Fire, Soverignty

11. Jenn Grant – I Was Your Woman (Echoes) | Video
<3 Jenn Grant. That's what.
2nd Recommendation(s): Sailing by Silverships, Heartbreaker

12. Julie Doiron – Spill Yer Lungs (I Can Wonder What You Did With Your Day) | Video (2nd part ~3:53
I saw Julie Doiron play at a bar in Victoria this past summer and that was pretty incredible. I’m not sure the more populous provinces understand the particular pride a maritimer feels when they see one of their own out kicking ass. It’s probably the only time I’ve ever yelled something obnoxious out at a show (that wasn’t directed towards someone I actually knew in a band), but that “New Brunswick, represent!” came from a warm place. ALSO, spill your lungs is just kickass.
2nd Recommendation: Heavy Snow

13. Karen O and the Kids – All is Love (Where the Wild Things are OST) | Video
2nd Recommendation: Capsize

14. Megafaun – The Process (Gather, Form & Fly) | Video
2nd Recommendation: Solid Ground

15. Metric – Sick Muse (Fantasies) | Video
I really didn’t like this album at first. Now I like almost all of this album. Emily Haines is adorable. I want to have her keyboard babies.
2nd Recommendation: Gimmie Sympathy

16. Monsters of Folk – Dear God (Sincerely MoF) (Monsters of Folk) | Video
I really wasn’t expecting this first track from these guys. Honestly. If you’d played it and I didn’t know it was Jim James of My Morning Jacket, Conor Oberst, M. Ward, and some other guy, I would have never guessed. But it’s awesome, so there’s that.
2nd Recommendation: Say Please

17. Mount Eerie – the Hidden Stone (Wind’s Poem)
Strikingly beautiful for a “metal” album. Really wish I’d been able to see him at Sappyfest this past summer.
2nd Recommendation: Lost Wisdom pt. 2

18. Neko Case – This Tornado Loves You (Middle Cyclone) | Video
Songs about Anthropomorphic weather systems in love = more please.

19. No Age – Losing Feeling (Losing Feeling EP) | Video

20. Of Montreal – The Past is a Grotesque Animal (Hissing Fauna, Are You The Destroyer?) | Video
My only selection from a year before 2009. This album hit me like a ton of bricks. The lyrics are incredible and vivid. The music has pseudo-barbershop quartet harmonies on disco-bass.
2nd Recommendation: Gronlandic Edit

21. Ohbijou – Make it Gold (Beacons) | Video
2nd Recommendation(s): The whole album.

22. Pink Mountaintops – And I Thank You (Outside Love)
2nd Recommendation:Holiday

23. Red Fang – Prehistoric Dog (Red Fang) | Video
Maybe the best music video ever. Maybe.

24. Share – Broader Slumping in Your Murals | Video
2nd Recommendation(s): Date and Time, Penmanship

25. Sleigh Bells – Crown on the Ground (demo) | Video
This was a tough choice because I’m about 50/50 on this album. It’s just a 4 track demo and the songs themselves aren’t that solid, but the sound is amazing. It’s like your speakers are exploding even though they definitely aren’t exploding.

26. Them Crooked Vultures – Mind Eraser, No Chaser (Them Crooked Vultures) | Video
Will hold me over until the next Queens album.
2nd Recommendation(s): No One Loves Me & Neither Do I, New Fang, Deadend Friends, Scumbag Blues

27. Weezer – (If you’re wondering if I want you to) I want you to (Raditude) | Video
Man… Rivers has to stop doing this to me.

28. XX – Crystalised (XX) | Video
2nd Recommendation: VCR

29. Yo La Tengo – More Stars Than There Are In Heaven | Video
2nd Recommendation: Here to Fall

Not me, though.  I think 2009 was great.  It was great because I got to do a lot of things I never thought I’d be doing.  I had an amazing year.  And what’s more (and more importantly), I know my mother passed away feeling great about herself.  She’d been happy and confident for the first time in quite a while.  She was bonding with Kristin’s family.  She was enjoying herself again and making it on her own steam.

It’s profoundly sad, and yet, the circumstances of the year were still positive.  She was proud of herself.  She was proud of me.  We related on a level we hadn’t in years.

So, I miss 2009.  I wanted to get that out of the way, because I haven’t been posting.  I haven’t written anything because I saw that date up there and I thought, “I have to talk about this first, but I don’t want to talk about this first.”  I didn’t.  I still don’t, really.  It feels incredibly selfish to look back at least year and think “my mother dying doesn’t trump the other things that happened.”  I lived last year.  I enjoyed myself.  I regretted some things and definitely didn’t regret others.  I hope 2010 can be as good to me (so far it’s mostly just grumbling about work, but that’s probably how last year started).

I miss her.  But I know that she hated the idea of laying around thinking about how shitty things were.

So there it is.